top searches.

You want to know the top keywords leading you sexy bitches to my blog yesterday?

Porn, naked..and basketball.  Nice.  Thanks for the traffic, nasties.

i need to get home…

wednesday quick hits.

If Corey Feldman wasn’t the biggest douche on earth before now, he’s solidified his title.

The AL won the All Star Game!  Cliff Lee looked great and I got my fill of my old-man crush, George Brett.

Studies show that the couple who plays together stays together.  It’s an important investment to go out and do fun things together that you can bot enjoy, to spend a little of your money on leisure.  The correlation is great, scientists are saying.  Well, no shit.  Why can’t my tax money go to other things?  Dues “fun” include porn?

The Pop Sugar Pop 100.  The most talked about, fussed about, gossiped about pop icons of the year.  #98 - Robert Downey Jr - My iron man.  #78 -Carrie Underwood.  #4?  Johnny Depp.  Find out the rest after the jump.

9 years ago today, in 1999, JFK Jr. and his wife, Carolyn Bessette…as well has her sister Lauren, crashed their plane off the coast of Martha’s Vineyard and perished.  In 1969, the Apollo 11 took off and in 4 days would become the first manned mission to land on the moon.

…And perhaps most importantly - a HAPPY birthday to Michael Flatley of Riverdance fame!

whatever happened to…

…me getting like a thousand hits a day? C’mon playas! Help a sister out!

the objective of watching porn.

At first, I didn’t like the idea of the SM watching adult content on TV and I certainly did not want him purchasing such movies on Pay Per View.  I am not a porn prude by any stretch, but as he was getting acclamated down here with his job and with me….and we didn’t have the money coming in right off the bat.  I thought our money would be better spent on food and bills over titties and bush.  Besides, it was a small criticism on my character (justified or not), making me feel like I wasn’t holding my own.  I was all about watching it if we could do it together, but he seemed so private about it, so that forced me to take it even more personally.  Broads are so dumb sometimes.

After further consideration, fatter paychecks and our attempts to keep the relationship fresh, I deemed it tolerable for the SM to do a little “research” here and there, so long as he kept it in moderation.  While we have a very open, honest relationship and keep very little from each other if anything, he has a shy streak when it comes to watching porn together.  I understand that it can be a personal thing, so I told him that was cool, but I I also told him to talk about it if he wants.  It’s not like he has to report back..but him being more open about it, even if he kind of feels private about watching it…would really help me understand and rationalize it.  If he brought ideas back, I guess it felt like he was watching it for legitimate reasons that I could stomach.  So far, the test has been successful, mostly in part to a little conversation we had the other day.

We were sitting on the couch before his ball game yesterday and he said, “Ya know that “research” I did the other day?  That was the worst movie ever.  This chick…she was with three guys…all separately, of course….”

“Thats not a given, baby.  It’s porn.”

“Ahh….Good point, she coulda been…uh….”

“She coulda been doing a lot of things.”

“Yeah…..at any rate, she was with three separate guys in three separate situations..and every time, she said, ‘Oh you’re so big and this is nothing like i ever felt before.’  Why would she say that?  That’s not true.  She said it about the last guy!!!”

“Baby, you shouldn’t be watching porn for the dialogue.  You’re missing the point.”

 

“I guess but…that just ruined it for me.”

I couldn’t help but laugh.  Here I was thinking people watch porn to get hot, to get their rocks off and at worst, feed fetishes their sad, selfish, unexperimental significant other won’t fulfill.  Now I know the truth: The objective of watching porn lays somewhere between those truths and realism in dialogue between characters. 

Like they tell professional football players to “act like they’ve been there before” when they get to the big game - If you’re a pizza delivery boy or a pool boy, act like it.  If you’re the town bicycle and 2 or 20 guys have already had their way with you in the first 20 minutes of the flick, act like you’ve been pearl necklaced before. 

Your acting skills are already considerably below par, that’s why you’re still moonlighting at Hooters between your Vivid Entertainment shoots.  At least make your dialogue believable, for Christ’s sake.  You’re disappointing my boyfriend.

interesting traffic, volume two.

As I muddled through my blog trends and traffic over the last few days, I came across a very interesting discovery.

Not just one unique visitor, but TWO….arrived at my blog after searching for “lactaid porn.” 

I know there are a lot of weird people out there, but having the access to their minds as I do through keyword trending is actually more disturbing than I had ever imagined.  Thank you, blogosphere, for freaking me the fuck out.

review: celebrity rehab with dr. drew.

You can treat me any day, doctor… 

OK, go ahead and get your laughs out of the way.  If you haven’t watched Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, you have no idea what you’re missing. 

Dr. Drew’s treatment facility is set in the picturesque area of Pasadena, California.  He treats celebrities who we love to watch falling out of bars, who are total has-beens (or never-weres) whose panty-less crotch shots end up on TMZ every other week.

But this show is different.  Dr. Drew is different.  And I can’t get enough.

Learn more over at VH1.com.

Did you know that Dr. Drew didn’t just show up on the scene for Loveline when we were in high school?  He is in no way just a celebrity doctor, like Dr. Phil or Dr. Ruth, or that crazy old bitch with the dildoes and the cock rings.  Dr. Drew Pinsky, 49 years old, has been a general practictioner since his graduation from USC Medical School, taking the time to research and study more about behavioral psychology, drug addiction and sexual issue to fine-tune his practice.  He still has a private practice in LA, where he treats everything from strep throat to heart palpitations.  As as for Loveline, he and another person came up with the idea in 1982 and started on tiny, local radio stations and turned the irreverent advice show into a national phenomenon (and the MTV hit we all know and love).

Each of the characters were paid to be on the show and be taken into treatment under Dr. Drew’s care.  However, the show, just after 2-3 episodes has already stripped down almost all ambition of the people involved to get narsisstic screen time.  There is no vanity when you’re vomiting your way through days of withdrawl symptoms.  Dr. Drew and his crew mean business and they take no prisoners.

To outline, briefly, each patient:

Jeff:  Kenickie from Grease.  He’s 55 years old, takes literally a thousand dollars worth of drugs a week.  This will be his 7th time in rehab.  Is violent and his withdrawls are sickening and pitiful.  Has enabler girlfriend.  So far, I just feel sorry for him.  He is a slurring, vile, decrepit mess.  The ultimate”This is your brain on drugs” commercial every kid should watch.

Jaimee:  Judy Winslow from Family Matters.  Loves herself some ganja.  Was abused as a kid, eventually even did some porn, if memory serves.  Weed makes her never want to leave the couch, audition for roles, etc.  Doesn’t talk much but when she does, it’s big news.

Chyna:  Wrestler.  She’s not sure why she is there.  Is a binge drinker.  Doesn’t talk much.

Bridgette Nielsen: Rocky, Rambo, whatever she was in.  Made out with Flav.  Big drinker.  Did every episode of Surreal Life drunk.  Has 4 sons who have disowned her.  Feel for her….she’s gonna be a changed woman.

Mary Carey:  Porn Star known for lesbo stuff.  California gubernatorial candidate.  Born in Cleveland.  Hits the bottle a good bit.  Brings porn and vibrators to rehab which were confiscated. 

Seth “Shifty” Binzer:  Lead singer from Crazy Town.  Smokes a lot of crack.    Has suicidal moments, but I think he’ll come back around.

Jessica Sierra:  American Idol mess.  Arrested for coke, etc.  I know she doens’t make it because she sits right now, in jail, pregnant with some undisclosed rapper’s baby.  Mom died from drugs and was a prostitute.

Daniel Baldwin:  A Baldwin.  Was an alcoholic and used cocaine.  Been sober about a year,a nd is almost there to serve as a “teacher’s assistant” for Dr. Draw.  He’s been there a million times and has been successful finally.

Ricco Rodriguez:  UFC fighter suspended for coke.  Total asshole.  Very aggressive and strangely hyper-masculine.  In his first one-on-one with Dr. Drew, the doc asks if he was ever sexually abused.  Bingo.  Only saw a little bit of him (just came to the facility) so there is more to learn.

Just being able to watch real people go through what they’re going through is so real and raw and interesting.  Like I said, any pre-concieved notions that they were going to get on the show and be rockstars has almost entirely vanished and they are 4 days into treatment as of the last episode that aired.  Honestly, I thought it would be fluff and a lot of working out, etc…but the facility has a crack team of recovering addicts themselves, who can see right through the patients’ bullshit and catch all their tricks.  They are not treated like celebrities.  The are treated like addicts.  The uncompromising, straightforward approach Dr. Drew and his team take is refreshing and reality TV worth watching.  It’s so smart and surprisingly real. I have a new found appreciation for the process and I think Dr. Drew should be elected for sainthood. 

So with that being said, I’d give Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew 8.5 methadone cocktails.  Can’t have any opiates.  The only way you can make it any better is to enjoy a nice cold beer while you kick your feet up and watch these sad individuals unravel.

guys have lesbian porn…

…we have pictures of David Beckham. 

Honestly, I’m happy to settle.

Sitting here, this is what I was thinking of…so I thought I’d let you all in on the hot, sweaty fantasy going on in my bland, cold cubicle.