birthday weekend recap.

So…somehow I am still alive and in one piece after a totally fun birthday weekend.  It started off with mom coming in..then Saturday, we headed uptown to Beer, Bourbon and BBQ, a festival with music and the aforementioned treats.  We drank a good bit, sampling all the vendors and they had some killer BBQ.

This is my mom, double-fisting, with my sunglasses on her head.

Here’s my mom, me, the SM and our friend Ben, taking in the sights and sounds; like an old man band playing Allman Brothers…and someone who was a mix between Bo Bice and Tarzan.

After we sweated (swote?) out most of our beer and bourbon, we headed home for a nap and a shower before the real festivities; karaoke and chillin’ at one of our favorite hometown bars.

Got there about 8:15 for the 8:30 start time, and Sam was already there, a few beers down.

We got a huge table and the friends started flowing in.  Sadly I was the only one in our party to sing karaoke that evening.  But I do think everyone had a pretty good time, getting their drink on, socializing and just hanging out.  I know that I had a great time, despite being sick from the whole day of being out in the sun and trying something close to 20 beers.  Thanks to everyone for coming out and celebrating with me!

Due to the crazy shenanigans that were Saturday, Sunday was a load of nothingness.  Mom and I went to the mall for a bit for some shoes and then I took her to the airport and crashed on the couch the rest of the day.  I swear, I am still hungover.  Its pretty sad.  Today has been a mass exodus of productivity out of my brain and I swear a tribe of “fuckitols” are squatting where my drive use to live.  It’s ugly.  But it’s a paycheck.  I gotta get back to it.

i’m a whore.

I never did update you guys on the Pure Romance Party I went to last weekend!

To commemorate the release of the biggest movie in the country currently - Sex and the City - my Pure Romance Representative, Kristie, had a pink and black party with great deals, lots of Cosmos and pink Jello shots, and lots of classless girls to push her products and have some laughs.  I needed to restock on some of my products, so it was a great opportunity to get out there, meet some girls and acquire some more fabulous and naughty products for me and the old man.

We all partook in some delicious drinks and snacks and Kristie got her presentation underway.  Starting with conservative foreplay items, perfumes and lotions, she moved quickly to the interesting stuff and eventually to what she calls her “gun case” with all the toys and hardware Pure Romance supplies for hot bitches like myself.  I marked off a few things in my catalog as we went through the products; some restocking my supply, some new treats for the SM and me.

After we made our purchases, Kristie had handed out raffle tickets for various prizes.  One prize was $50 in free product and the other prize was $200 in free product.  Given the fact that I win shit all the time (karaoke contests, my college class ring, etc) I figured I had a decent shot.  The only caveat?  The winner had to be present for the drawing.  Some girls left after purchasing their fun and games and a few of us stuck around.  I, personally, was sobering up from the margaritas, cosmos and 3 Jello shots (like I said, classy crowd).  Kristie put all the tickets in a bag and began to choose.

The $50 went to one girl who was there on the first pull.  Kristie helped her out by running her $50 worth of free products.  The second drawing came soon after.  The first ticket, no one was present to claim.  The second girl picked had left as well.  Hoping that the third time would be the charm, Kristie picked one last ticket.

329773.  IT WAS ME!  I won $200 of free product from Pure Romance!  I had already bought what I had wanted, but the $200 was a great opportunity to try out the stuff I wouldn’t normally get for myself.

Long story short, and preventing the possibility of sharing way too much information, I left Kristie’s with 3 big bags of every size annd shape, every flavor and something for every orifice.  Everything from perfume to lotion to fuzzy handcuffs, you name it, I left with one (or two).  If it’s considered an erogenous zone, I have something to arouse it.  Unfortunately, after my binge drinking, by the time I got home there was no way I could have put any of it to use.  But let it be known that anyone out there who claims to have a “pleasure chest” next to their bed - know that yours pales in comparison to mine.

I came out winning - looking like a champ…and a total whore.  But it was worth it.  If you wanted to come out and missed it, below is Kristie’s secure and confidential website.  Just promise me you won’t visit the “Anal Play” page on your work computer, ok?

www.kristiescott.pureromance.com

the new definition of class.

You know a weekend night out with friends was good when you end up screaming the words to Billie Jean out your window as you drive through the Taco Bell drive-thru at 3 a.m.

In between some quality cleaning, a little shopping for June’s trip to Charleston among a few other things, the SM and I headed uptown to see what trouble we could get into with some friends of ours.  We wound up at the classy establishment uptown called “The Forum” where we saw a whole slew of people whose number one virtue was clearly integrity.  Oh wait, what am I saying?  The number one priority to these people were the boob jobs paid for by alimony that made them MILFs again at 40, the occassional popped collar and yes my friends, being Asian. 

The music was quality and the adult beverages were flowing so you know there was nothing wrong with the night.  See the pictures in the Flickr album to the bottom right over there and have a good laugh at how awesomely trashy we are.  thanks to J-Pix, the KP the SM, and new friend into the fold…Tanya, for the awesome times.

tgif

Friday couldn’t come at a better time this week, am I right?  Shit.  What a week.  I haven’t had a lot to do at work and with having Aunt Flo in town and having the poon-na-na party tonight, I’ve been impatient for Friday to roll around since Monday. 

Last night, I left work only to find out that the SM was working late and then we had to drive his boss home (which is about 25 miles from our apartment) because he had driven the company van up and didn’t have his car.  Let me tell you - that was awesome.  I just kept thinking about all the snacks I had to make when I got home.  I managed to finish most everything short of vacuuming last night and even taught the SM a few chords on our newly-restrung electric guitar. Bleck Fender Squire…..ass-kickin’ guitar courtesy of my Pops. 

I’m glad to say that I think that teaching him guitar is going to be easier than I expected.  He has never tried to play any instrument ever, can’t read music - and I think he wants to learn to play because it’s cool and he’s always had a dream to be a rockstar.  The motivation and lack of experience with any musical endeavors whatsoever made me nervous but he caught on to the few chords I showed him last night very quickly.  Now I just have to teach him enough to have a whole song…and then he needs to learn to change chords seamlessly.  I am proud of the initial try though.  I’ll keep you updated.

My next endeavor?  Mandolin.  I am going to learn it.  And we are going to make the coolest little Irish band EVER.  We already decided on our name:  Sinn Fein.  “Ourselves alone” in Gaelic.

I finally laid my weary head down around 11 after cooking, cleaning and watching Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew (I’m obsessed).  I was asleep by 11:05.  Woke up at about 1:30 or 2 and found the SM still on the couch, watching TV like the nocturnal zombie that he is. He came to bed soon after and as he settled in said, “Hey you.” 

We had a little bit of a rough morning this morning because the SM wanted to be at work at 7, but didn’t get out of bed until 6:40.  After about 4 hours of sleep, he was not even hearing the alarm clock going off.  Then he came to realize his new sweater had shrunk that he just bought.  Disappointment abounded.  At any rate, we got him there about 7:10 and with no traffic to work I got here about 7:35.  And I’ve already been here WAY too long.

Yesterday, my coworker Jive Turkey got directions to the bash tonight and was being a bit of a smarty pants with my description of where to park.  So I asked her if she was that dumb, if she needed a map of my parking lot.  The following is the resulting graphic I sent to her, and the others, so there is no question as to where to park.

Ya think that was clear enough? 

I just can’t wait for tonight.  After some plastic penises and sexy lotions, we’re heading uptown to paint something red.  My other coworker, Shaggy (the coolest tree-hugger I know), is tagging along, man hunting and my other coworker, Scooby (think roller skates, eye glitter and a g-string) is going to meet up with us as well to make it do what it do.  I guess Ishould probably get some work done so this day flies by and we can get our drank on.  Peace in the middle east.