ryan seacrest is an asshole.

Last night’s American Idol was certainly a shock for most of us.  Last year, the aftermath of Idol Gives Back left every contenstant in tact and alive for the next week.  However this year, the fate was not the same.  Hottie Aussie Michael Johns was eliminated from the show and somehow, despite my voodoo dolls and witchcraft spells (The hair from a newt’s belly!  One freckle from a toad!), Kristy Lee Cook and Syesha Mercado are still alive and kicking.  Not only was Michael kicked off, Ryan Seacrest was a rude asshole to him; giving him hope but then pushing him down again.

Honestly, there have been many instances where not winning American Idol has really worked out better for some of the artists involved.  Chris Daughtry, of course, is the shining example of that.  I just hope the same fate can meet Mr. Johns. 

I dont think there is anyone out there who can say he wasn’t talented, but he did have some identity issues as well as song choice issues.  To me, it’s hard to watch week after week with someone trying to figure out who they are.  I am just afraid that Carly Smithson very well might meet the same fate for the same reasons.  For me, there are a few folks on the show - Carly, Michael, and Syesha are perfect examples - that seem to get to about a 92% every week.  They have great voices, almost pick the right songs…but just barely fall flat for some reason. 

Its just to the point now that really good people are going to start exiting the show.  It’s going to get to be a real cat-fight of song choice and pure arrangement that keeps people on.  Should be interesting!

idol recap: top 9.

Don’t get me wrong.  I am a huge fan of Dolly Parton.  There are few people in the music industry to stay relevant as long as she has and she has contributed more to music than a lot of people recognize.  Unfortunately, I don’t feel like her music translated well to American Idol last night.

 The favorites were good and the mediocre were mediocre.  My man, David Cook did well considering he had to transform Dolly into rock…and honestly, the performances of the night for me were David Archuleta (admittedly, I was disappointed when he did so well) and Michael Johns. 

Its hard to say who will go at this point.  Of course, I am hoping for Ramiele to get the screws put to her, but America keeps surprising me.  Kristy Lee Cook could have taken better advantage of a country genre week, in my option.  Brooke White rushed Jolene too much.  Syesha and Jason Castro were pretty boring.  Carly actually did well and sounded pretty, but Simon was right - who dressed her this week?  Did she come straight from tending bar?

All in all, I was pretty disappointed this week.  I know it was a tough theme but still, I was hoping for some killer performances that we get 2-3 of each week.  I guess David Cook can’t be sheer perfection every week.  Again, I hope it’s Ramiele.  She is the least talented of the group.  Her and Kristy Lee.  America…I hope you did the right thing.  It’d be a real shame if I had to kick everyone’s ass in America, one at a time.  I am a busy, important lady and that would take a long ass time.

NOTE: David Cook was rushed to the hospital last night with heart palpitations.  Word is that my soulmate…I mean uh, Cook, is fine now.  I think he shouldn’t be looking at pictures of me.  That tends to do it to the guys.

american idol recap: top ten. aka: why i need to be with david cook.

“Oops…sorry about your face.” 

Photo of David Cook, stepping on everyone else to the top. 

Anyone in their right mind who watched American Idol last night and has any clue about anything knows that David Cook is the one to beat.  The dark horse label can be snatched off and the American Idol label should be slapped on.  If this is a talent competition, David Cook wins for last night’s awesome performance of “Billy Jean”.  If it’s just popularity, he may not take the cake, but that is fine with me.  He can be the next Chris Daughtry, times ten.  That’s fine with me.  And fine with the SM.  The SM said last night that HE’D want to have David Cook’s babies if he could, and got chills while he was singing.  My (awesomely raunchy) coworker said she actually wet herself. My other (way more considerative) coworker actually dropped the F-bomb, calling it “fucking brilliant.”

Last night, while very mediocre by most of the other contestants, for me was a contest between David Cook and Michael Johns.  Finally, it seemed like Johns was going to be one to beat - the one who finally took the game seriously and blew the roof off the place.  But alas, the last minutes of the show ticked down and Cook came out and wowed us into submission and worship again. 

I told the SM, “It’s like Michael Johns came out and said, ‘Look at this hot chick I just banged’, and David Cook stepped up and said, ‘So what, I fucked her last night.  She wasn’t that good.’”  I thought Michael Johns was finally brilliant and picked the perfect song to showcase his talents.  But somehow, David Cook just refused to let go of his strangle hold on the show, and his foot pon the necks of his competitors.

Carly and Brooke were fine again this week, seeming like they are scared to go that extra step from a 97% to a 100%.  You know they have the voices, but they seem scared.  Chikezie, Archuleta, Jason and Kristy Lee - I am just tired of their vibes.  Besides, God Bless the USA was ruined for me about 15 years ago when we did it as a curtain call to a dance recital I was in around 1991 or 1992 (during Desert Storm).  Something about sequins, stage makeup and little American flags waving in the chubby hands of tiny Jon Benet impersonators has just tainted it forever. 

But the worst of the night for me, with a bullet, was Ramiele Malubay.  I don’t care how sick she is, if she stays to fight another week, I am going to lose my shit.  She has no identity as an artist and to do Heart’s “Alone” was maybe one of the worst song choices of the season. 

What was your take on the show?  Who do you think will be eliminated tonight? 

review: american idol - first week

OK, I give in.  I have to write more about American Idol.  I can’t restrain myself anymore.

I am in agreement with a lot of folks that this year might have the best group of consistenly good performers.  In all honesty, since Josiah’s departure, I don’t know who I am REALLY invested in, because a huge majority of the people are SO good.  After this week’s performances, I have to say my favorites are Carly Smithson (though I wasn’t a fan of her song choice), Michael Johns (Hi, you did the Doors.  I love you.), Amanda Overmeyer (I don’t care what anyone says, she rocks) and Jason Castro (thought I am not totally sold on the dreds). 

Of course, there were a lot of other people I really liked too.  I thought that Alexandrea Lushington was so brave to attempt old white dude song “Spinning Wheel”.  She reminded me a lot of Alicia Keys, taking something so old and making it new again.  How can you not like David Archuleta?  So cute!  Of course Ramiele Mumbay and Asia’h Epperson really picked up the talent level last night after a poor start to the ladies’ showcase..and as old-fashioned as he was, I want to be friends with Jason Yeager and Robbie Carrico.  And Danny Noriega with the Elvis!  He was having a blast.

Unfortunately there were some people who fell short for me.  Luke Menard, Garrett Haley - I just didn’t get it.  And as much as I like Chikezie Eze, he put me to sleep too.  As for the girls, I hate to say it, but I think Joanne Borgello and Amy Davis are out tonight.  Kristy Lee Cook and Kady Malloy kind of bored me too though.  And I will continue to root for Brooke White because looks just like Sue Deardowski, except with a huge blonde wig.

 

My opinion, it’s the guys to lose this year.  What an outstanding group.  What are your thoughts?