Seriously. Today has been a huge clusterfuck for all intensive purposes. I am just glad it’s coming to the end.
I have been incredibly overwhelmed this week, inundated with new processes and programs to the point where they are all blending together. I like the people here. I like what we do and it’s in an industry I like. I am just about learned the fuck out. It’s beautiful out the window and I need to get some dinner, get on the couch and get some hot lovin from the SM.
I can’t say enough how sorry I am for being so neglectful of you, my sweet and awesome fanbase. The last few days have been going swimmingly despite not having a moment to sit and breathe.
For those of you who care, I did get the job at the sports publication company that I mentioned before. The guy whose place I took is gone and the amount I have been pushed into learning is more than I thought I was capable of. New programs, new people, new processes - it’s been nothing short of totally insane. While I’ve been swamped and overwhelmed with all this new information, I have not been able to get a to know a lot of folks on anything more than a professional basis. This leaves me pretty lonely over here in my cube, but busy as a smokin’-hot bee.
Being in a position of still learning and being unsure of myself, attempting to fill some pretty big shoes, I am feeling pretty overwhelmed and insecure. I haven’t had time for personal life moments of much substance so the self-esteem isn’t exacctly at normal AshPash levels. I confronted the SM about it today to let him know that I’m down for sheer lack of energy and lack of fortifying accomplishments. At this point, I’m trying to be proud that I’m surviving, but the superficial pride I’m mustering is exactly that. Superficial.
I need some Ash time. I need some time on the couch getting my hair played with. I need to use some of my Pure Romance products, if ya know what I’m saying (see the next post). Being so focused on my professional success and survival has left very little time or energy to focus on me, the SM or the Punk. I toss and turn at night. I eat a steady diet of salad and Hydroxycut to stay in the game. I haven’t blogged our journaled like I should to get some of this out of my head.
It’s a transition, that’s for sure. New schedules, new hours, new surroundings. At least I have a big window right in font of me to absorb some sunshiny joy from the Carolina blue skies.
Hey everyone. Sorry I have been so neglectful. It’s been a busy few days around here at Chez AshPash. Yesterday morning, I had a shadowing experience with the folks that I interviewed with last week. I hung out with the person whose position I’d be taking over (he got moved laterally) and I think it went well. Got to learn some of their internal programs, some of tne processes, some of the pros and cons of the position, pretty much right off the bat. It was the best way to get an idea for the position given the fact that it is such a fluid, flexible position that has so many random responsibilities.
Finally working in a start-up environment has worked to my advantage. All those years of writing out electricity bills, doing tech support for my colleagues, AND doing the website all the the same day has proved profitable! The loved the idea that I thrive in a self-starting environment and hate being micro-managed.
After the shadowing yesterday, I asked the individual I was shadowing what the next step was. And he said he didn’t know. The big boss men were out of town and he didn’t know if there were more people coming in or what they were thinking about a start date or next steps. That didn’t exactly put me at ease. I knew I was qualified and that things went well, but with vague answers like that, I didn’t know what to expect.
This morning, as I sleeped off Pumpkin’s snoring last night (it’s really outstanding how much like an old man she is), I got a text from my old boss at the vacuum joint. He said that he gave me a great reference and thought that future boss-man was definitely impressed with me and thought I’d be getting an offer. After yesterday’s shadowing and the answers from current person in the position, that sounded great but I was still going to wait for the word from the horse’s mouth.
As I wrote here, updating you on the situation, the phone rang. It was Future Boss Man. He asked if I had any more questions about the position and asked me how shadowing went yesterday. I said I thought it went very well. I’d have some issues coming up to speed on the limited HMTL I’d have to be doing, but otherwise, it’s all stuff I can learn. I am a smart girl.
I said the only question I had really was what the next steps were.
He said I’d have an offer in my inbox by end of business today. Salary, start date, benefits, everything lined out. I just have to holler back with any question and sign on! So…before I know it, I might be the online manager for a world renowned sports business publication.
I’ll have more updates as they come in! Thanks for all the love and support and patience with me. I wasn’t freaking out at first, and as the month rolled on without a solid lead, it was getting a little hairy and depressing around the crib. The SM has been incredibly patient and awesome through it all, but neither of us have enough patience to wait for water to boil much less wait for me to get a job. As much as I enjoyed watching Food Network and sleeping until 11, you can’t exactly make a living at that shit. As lazy as I can be, I can be very self-starting and hardworking too.
So the next few days, I’m not doing shit. Because starting Monday (I assume) it’ll be back to hard worker AshPash). I want full on bed sores from my couch and my hair to part in the back where I have laid and not moved for days. I want to peel my clothes off because they are stuck to my nasty self. Then I want to make lots of money.
Sorry I keep harrassing you all with these random, terse blerbs about my life, but things are moving quickly and that’s how it goes.
Just got a call - I have my first real, legit interview at the Sports Business Journal Friday, at 10 am. Wish me luck. Web content and the like…should be cool, plus, I love sports. Been looking for an excuse to get into Carolina sports as it was.
And Gabe is back in town for you Royaltonites. Going for beers here in about a half an hour. Good times.
SELF-HONESTY of the DAY: I don’t take criticism very well. I wasn’t criticized much, ever. Failure, even if it’s not my fault (ie: this job thing) eats at me like I instigated it. I’m exceptionally good at catastrophizing my situation. I just need to let go and let God take care of what I cannot control…which is just about everything in my life. Even in the valleys, the Main Man is there. I just HAVE to remember that He has got my back.
The SM is being very supportive. He is just worried too…about money about our happiness. He’s concerned vacations will need to be cancelled and that life won’t be like it was. Honestly, we weren’t living the way we should within our means. We could be a lot smarter with money and budgeting. But neither of us come from a place where that was very well instilled into us, so it’s a harder nut to crack than one might think.
But heres to us learning and growing and getting better and better. And to still making it to Charleston with a few bucks to blow on Coronas and surf lessons.
One by one this morning, we were marched into the big wig’s office and told of our occupational fate. As of May 31, I will no longer be employed at my current place of employment. Neither will a majority of my colleagues. We all had a feeling something was going on with all the closed doors and secrecy, but now the cat is out of the proverbial bag. They can’t afford to keep any of us anymore.
I can’t say I am surprised persay, but I certainly didn’t expect them to fold this soon. While there is the inevitable panic associated with the potential reality of being unemployed, I am still floating about in a slight state of denial. Part of me even feels a little relieved just to know what the real story is, instead of hypothesizing about my fate.
I’m aware that might tone is rather matter-of-fact and coarse but I don’t really know what else to share about it right now. I just know that of everyone here, I might still have the most advantageous circumstances. I didn’t move here for ths job, I have no spouse or children. I’m young and healthy and have a lot of my life still ahead of me to figure out what I’ll be when I grow up. I just didn’t know I’d have to decide right fuckin’ now.
So…alas, my well-tempered, patient search for more fulfilling, gainful employment has gone from a curious trickle to a full blown flood. Just be warned: If your company does anything that I’d remotely be interested in pursuing, anywhere near Charlotte, North Carolina, you can be confident that you will be hearing my name in the coming days. If you want a copy of my resume, comment me on here and I’ll get you one.
Here’s to the world being my oyster and staying positive through this time. Say a prayer if you get a chance. Maybe if the chorus is loud enough, the Man Upstairs will cut me a break.
Watch out world, here I come!
I’m about at my breaking point again. The boss asked me to build some pages for the website and I feel like i was outed like the wizard behind the curtain. I told her I have always worked in a CMS environment (where it was all templated and i just had to fill in elements) and I can’t write in any HTML. I can fix it, but can’t write it from scratch.
I need a new, different job i think. I feel like i am living a lie. Being self-taught isn’t going to get me much further in this career. i like the creation and the license, I don’t like coding and that’s why I never learned - not because I’m lazy. I didn’t have to. When you get into allt he coding languages, for me, it turns into something too analytical and exact and I don’t like the idea of that; that’s not why i got into design. i have the ideas, i have the eye. Seven years of this and i know very little more (so it seems) than i did when i started.
I have to get my demo package back together for radio. That’s all i ever wanted to do ever since I was a little peanut and I sold out for more money because i had to fend for myself. AshPash, brilliant scribe and bloglebrity and rockstar extraordinare, shouldn’t be working at an up-start vacuum company.
When I was in radio, I always loved going into work…even if it was overnights with 3 pots of coffee or ridiculously long hours. It was worth the 4 am jitters. I can do web/promotions on the side, for the station, whatever….but I gotta figure something out. I don’t want to get burned out here and just so dazed that morph into one of those miserable, lackey drones that hates their job for 30 years. i know its unusual that people really love going to their job….but i want to be one of those people, refusing anything less. I am smart, clever and educated enough to be one of those people. I’ve seen both sides of the fence and I know which side’s grass is greener.
I’m not making people’s lives better here and as a result, my professional life seems empty and small in the grand scheme. To me, vacuums, no natter how fancy, rarely change people’s lives. Music changes people’s lives on a daily basis. If I had a bad day at work, I can listen to some “Good Day Sunshine” by the Beatles…or “Head Like A Hole” by Nine Inch Nails and feel exponentially better. I love when I hear my favorite new song pumping through my speakers. And there is nothing better than getting a request played for your ol’ man.
It’s just getting more and more clear that I am not in the right industry. Here’s to a lot of prayers and thinking in the next few months to see if I can tackle my love for radio again. The SM has already said we can look at finances with me and has been incredibly supportive about getting me into something I care about. Let’s just hope we get some good answers and make good decisions towards some seriously blissful career happiness.
Let me preface my happy, smiley workplace tip o’ the day with a little back story: We have a few documents that we routinely send out to customers and potential retailers to educate them about our products, the technology we employ and the studies we and other qualified individuals have conducted regarding the viability of the claims we make regarding our products. These have been reviewed time and time again and the most final of these documents have been put on a shared drive for customer service team members to share with interested customers and potential retailers.
Due to a change in our agency of record, there has been some necessary overhauls done to some of these documents to match the aesthetic and content of our new marketing platform. Some of these documents include our Technical Specifications Sheet (all the features, functions and benefits of our products), some brochures, and our FAQs. Due to the sheer amount of work to do and the amount of hands to do it, many of these documents have been delegated out for revision internally, to people who may not be the usual project lead in said projects, but should still have the most recently updated knowledge of our products. The operative word being “should”.
Now, my dear and humbling readers….listen. And listen close. I’m not going to say this twice:
When you are (albeit) erroneously put in charge of rewriting your company’s frequently asked questions, under no circumstances should you ever, I repeat EVER, include, “Isn’t that awesome?” in one of your answers. Fucking EVER.
I can get around the fact that you included some false information about our product and completely and utterly ignored our legal team by adding statements for which we can get sued for falsely claiming regarding the efficacy of our technology. Fine.
But while you are over in your (strangely) neat cubicle, feeling clever and colloquial in your writing style, I am feeling borderline postal and outraged that I have to redo your sad, substandard work for which you are not qualified. Not only did YOU waste your OWN time, but now you have proceeded to rudely waste mine, none of which I will ever get back. Thank you for making this place now one more percentage point less tolerable.
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