ryan seacrest is an asshole.

Last night’s American Idol was certainly a shock for most of us.  Last year, the aftermath of Idol Gives Back left every contenstant in tact and alive for the next week.  However this year, the fate was not the same.  Hottie Aussie Michael Johns was eliminated from the show and somehow, despite my voodoo dolls and witchcraft spells (The hair from a newt’s belly!  One freckle from a toad!), Kristy Lee Cook and Syesha Mercado are still alive and kicking.  Not only was Michael kicked off, Ryan Seacrest was a rude asshole to him; giving him hope but then pushing him down again.

Honestly, there have been many instances where not winning American Idol has really worked out better for some of the artists involved.  Chris Daughtry, of course, is the shining example of that.  I just hope the same fate can meet Mr. Johns. 

I dont think there is anyone out there who can say he wasn’t talented, but he did have some identity issues as well as song choice issues.  To me, it’s hard to watch week after week with someone trying to figure out who they are.  I am just afraid that Carly Smithson very well might meet the same fate for the same reasons.  For me, there are a few folks on the show - Carly, Michael, and Syesha are perfect examples - that seem to get to about a 92% every week.  They have great voices, almost pick the right songs…but just barely fall flat for some reason. 

Its just to the point now that really good people are going to start exiting the show.  It’s going to get to be a real cat-fight of song choice and pure arrangement that keeps people on.  Should be interesting!

idol recap: top 9.

Don’t get me wrong.  I am a huge fan of Dolly Parton.  There are few people in the music industry to stay relevant as long as she has and she has contributed more to music than a lot of people recognize.  Unfortunately, I don’t feel like her music translated well to American Idol last night.

 The favorites were good and the mediocre were mediocre.  My man, David Cook did well considering he had to transform Dolly into rock…and honestly, the performances of the night for me were David Archuleta (admittedly, I was disappointed when he did so well) and Michael Johns. 

Its hard to say who will go at this point.  Of course, I am hoping for Ramiele to get the screws put to her, but America keeps surprising me.  Kristy Lee Cook could have taken better advantage of a country genre week, in my option.  Brooke White rushed Jolene too much.  Syesha and Jason Castro were pretty boring.  Carly actually did well and sounded pretty, but Simon was right - who dressed her this week?  Did she come straight from tending bar?

All in all, I was pretty disappointed this week.  I know it was a tough theme but still, I was hoping for some killer performances that we get 2-3 of each week.  I guess David Cook can’t be sheer perfection every week.  Again, I hope it’s Ramiele.  She is the least talented of the group.  Her and Kristy Lee.  America…I hope you did the right thing.  It’d be a real shame if I had to kick everyone’s ass in America, one at a time.  I am a busy, important lady and that would take a long ass time.

NOTE: David Cook was rushed to the hospital last night with heart palpitations.  Word is that my soulmate…I mean uh, Cook, is fine now.  I think he shouldn’t be looking at pictures of me.  That tends to do it to the guys.

american idol recap: top ten. aka: why i need to be with david cook.

“Oops…sorry about your face.” 

Photo of David Cook, stepping on everyone else to the top. 

Anyone in their right mind who watched American Idol last night and has any clue about anything knows that David Cook is the one to beat.  The dark horse label can be snatched off and the American Idol label should be slapped on.  If this is a talent competition, David Cook wins for last night’s awesome performance of “Billy Jean”.  If it’s just popularity, he may not take the cake, but that is fine with me.  He can be the next Chris Daughtry, times ten.  That’s fine with me.  And fine with the SM.  The SM said last night that HE’D want to have David Cook’s babies if he could, and got chills while he was singing.  My (awesomely raunchy) coworker said she actually wet herself. My other (way more considerative) coworker actually dropped the F-bomb, calling it “fucking brilliant.”

Last night, while very mediocre by most of the other contestants, for me was a contest between David Cook and Michael Johns.  Finally, it seemed like Johns was going to be one to beat - the one who finally took the game seriously and blew the roof off the place.  But alas, the last minutes of the show ticked down and Cook came out and wowed us into submission and worship again. 

I told the SM, “It’s like Michael Johns came out and said, ‘Look at this hot chick I just banged’, and David Cook stepped up and said, ‘So what, I fucked her last night.  She wasn’t that good.’”  I thought Michael Johns was finally brilliant and picked the perfect song to showcase his talents.  But somehow, David Cook just refused to let go of his strangle hold on the show, and his foot pon the necks of his competitors.

Carly and Brooke were fine again this week, seeming like they are scared to go that extra step from a 97% to a 100%.  You know they have the voices, but they seem scared.  Chikezie, Archuleta, Jason and Kristy Lee - I am just tired of their vibes.  Besides, God Bless the USA was ruined for me about 15 years ago when we did it as a curtain call to a dance recital I was in around 1991 or 1992 (during Desert Storm).  Something about sequins, stage makeup and little American flags waving in the chubby hands of tiny Jon Benet impersonators has just tainted it forever. 

But the worst of the night for me, with a bullet, was Ramiele Malubay.  I don’t care how sick she is, if she stays to fight another week, I am going to lose my shit.  She has no identity as an artist and to do Heart’s “Alone” was maybe one of the worst song choices of the season. 

What was your take on the show?  Who do you think will be eliminated tonight? 

review: the mens’ 80s night on idol.

Continuing the preaching about my unhealthy obsession with American Idol, I have to say last night was a mixed bag for me on American Idol.  It was weird, because while I was not raised on 80s music, despite being born in 1980 (my folks were into Stevie, Beach Boys, CCR and the like), I was blown away by some people’s song choices and performances.

Number one, with a bullet, was David Cook’s “Hello” by Lionel Richie, without a doubt.  When he first came out with the guitar, I was worried that he might be a one trick pony and bore us this week after really wowing us last week with Free’s “All Right Now.”  But the SM and I sat there, slack-jawed and in awe of his rendition of such a poppy, whiney song from a light rock giant such as Lionel.  I couldn’t help to think about what that blind sculptor chick in the video would have thought.

Second place for me was definitely Jason Castro, with his vulnerable, sweet interpretation of “Hallelujah” by Jeff Buckley/Leonard Cohen.  I like to pride myself as a music buff and believe it or not, I had never experienced Jeff Buckley until last night.  I don’t know what the fuck I was doing before last night.  What a song.  After the show, we got the computer out and downloaded some Jeff Buckley.  I am hooked.

Some people who I think did extremely well, but didn’t give the performances of their lives were Michael Johns and David Archuleta.  Of course they are front-runners.  Of course the have an unbelievable instrument.  But Michael Johns needs to find the perfect song.  And David Archuleta needs to quit being so…serious.  At 17, you should be thinking about things other than the plight of the homeless.

David Hernandez?  I can’t stop thinking about the stripping thing.  He is tainted for me.  Speaking of tainted, Danny Noriega, while SO cute and the personality of the show, he admittedly did a pretty miserable version of “Tainted Love” by Soft Cell.  Don’t get me wrong; I love this cat.  But it just wasn’t a good performance vocally…and this is a singing competition. 

I am so over Luke Menard, though he probably had his best song choice decision last night with some Wham.  I just can’t help but think he’ll be going home tonight.  Him…and either Danny Noriega (sadly) or Chikezie.  For the life of me, I can’t even remember what he sang. 

Tonight, the women take on the 80s.  I can’t help but pray and hope that Carly does “Nothing Compares 2 U” by Sinead O’Connor.  The SM and I had a discussion abut this last night, as he thought that Prince released it later than 1989 and Sinead had it in the mid-90s.  I had to look it up though, and Prince wrote it in 1985 for “The Family”, a group to be just one more outlet for his talents, and Sinead got it down on wax in 1989, released it technically in 1990 on her album, “I Do Not Want What I Haven’t Got”..then with the popularity there, Prince released it in 1993 on a hits compliation as a duet with Rosie Gaines of the NPG. 

and I want Ramiele to do “Damn, I Wish I was Your Lover”….Crap.  That was 1992.   

We’ll see.  What do you want to hear the women sing?

week two: american idol recap.

Wow, after I went to therapy and I got my shiznits ironed out I was feeling like a million bucks and articulate about my feelings.  Then I watched the Idol girls take the stage and I got all PPBBLLLLTTFFFT *garble garble* again. 

I still maintain that this year might be the best so far in regards to the talent they found for the show.  It’s just hard to pick out the diamonds in a case full of jewelry.  They are all totally decent, but no one, on the girls side, has really stepped up and made the impression you need to to be THE American Idol. 

Don’t get me wrong.  There are some girls that I really like - but none of them have had the performance of a lifetime yet.  Carly Smithson is so Irish and cute and really has a killer voice - but seems to be performing to something like 92% of her potential.  With Heart, you can “go there” and she didn’t quite get there, for me.  Almost though.  Amanda Overmyer, despite her undefinable performance last night, is very likeable, smart and an entity that the competition needs.  She just needs to pick songs she feels comfortable with instead of taking the judges SO literally that she never does anything in her wheelhouse.  When you can pick ANYTHING from a decade, you need to take advantage of it before you are stuck having to pick a country song, or doing Sinatra.  Syesha Mercado is cute and fun and has great range and control - but then it felt like she walked us through figurative mud last night with her Billy Paul song.  So many of the girls were just…a wash and I almost struggle, even with my unhealthy obsession with Idol for seven years, to remember what everyone sings each night.

To me, it’s all for the guys to lose.  First and foremost, whether you get him or not, David Archuleta is un-fuckin’-believable.  He’s so young, has so much control, so much maturity, it dwarfs most everyone else in the competition.  I am a total Beatle-phile, I know, but at the same time, I don’t like to hear people cover the Fabbest of the Fab because of the perfection that once was 30 years ago.  But he nailed it.  David Cook (despite his chameleon hair) knows exactly who he is and is one of the few contestants who picks the right songs; All Right Now by Free was so cool and not to use Paula’s trite phrase, but it was very relevant to today.  Michael Johns (though his song choice might have been weird with Fleetwood Mac this week) has the stage presence of a Jim Morrison….a Michael Hutchence, a Bono…and just needs to get in the groove and HE could take the competition.  Even one of the least-favorites of last week, Chikizie, blew the roof off the place this week with Donny Hathaway.  Shit, even Luke Menard almost showed some personality.

Tonight, I think it’s a bit of a crapshoot as to who gets booted off.  Kady Malloy has got to go.  I don’t know how many weeks we need to tell her to find her own voice.  I’m tired of waiting for her to figure it out.  And Luke Menard for the guys has to be in the bottom 4. 

The other two will be hard to pick.  Alexandrea might be the one for the girls, though I like how she makes what was old, new again.  Or maybe even Kristy Lee Cook or Brooke White.  For the guys, I hate to say it, because my dad feels like he’s the son he never had or something - but I think Jason Yeager has got to go.  So cute, but so….white bread.  You don’t show how much “soul” you have by singing the Doobie Brothers.  It’s like talking about your street cred while you bump around the hood in your Buick LeSabre.  It’s like talking about your diet while you scarf down Big Macs.  FAIL.  Or maybe it might be David Hernandez.  What did he sing?  Exactly.  and Robbie Carrico - he’s going to Kady Malloy route.  Great voice, no doubt.  But who is he? 

What’s your take?  Comment after the jump and let’s watch tonight and see what happens.