some truth in jest.

a purifier of silver.

Got this in my inbox this morning from my good friend JC over at Random Acts of Typing:

Malachi 3:3 says: ‘He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.’

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.

One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn’t mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining Silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: ‘He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.’ She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.

The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, ‘How do you know when the silver is fully refined?’

He smiled at her and answered, ‘Oh, that’s easy — when I see my image in it.’

If today you are feeling the heat of the fire , remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.

good friday? let’s make it great.

Happy Good Friday, everybody.  Ya know what would make this a GREAT Friday though?  If we could be let out of work early today.  I have a killer skull cramp and a mountain of laziness to get to at the house. 

I think it says something in the lost commandments regarding this exact issue.  “A bright light came down from the heavens and said, “Thou shalt not work thine employees past lunch on Good Friday.”  And on the 21st day of March, it was so.  Amen.”  Something like that.  Hey, I didn’t say it.  It’s Gospel.  And I think it would make Jesus happy.  Wouldn’t it be considered bereavement time off or something?  Someone I am close to has died and I need to go grieve and what not.

OK, enough.  One more comment and I’m going to Hell.

living creatively.

As you all know, I have been reading Wayne Dyer’s book regarding the Tao Te Ching and the latest chapter I read, last night, as I soaked away stress in my new bubble bath was called “Living Creatively”.  The tao suggests that there is a feminine element in the Tao that is responsible for creation (”birthing” - thus the female connotation) of new ideas, new contributions and new beginnings. 

At this point in my life, I am in the dire need to find a new beginning, mentally, physically and spiritually.  I need tog et my head right, get my body toned and less lethargic and get back in touch spiritually with myself, with God and the powers that be.

As mentioned before in the last year or so, there has been a good bit of turmoil and change in my life and it has caused me to keep a lot of my feelings strangely compartmentalized, hidden and stewing and not quite productively managed.  The Tao suggests a new beginning where I am lending my hand, my creativity, my mark to all the things I do.  To allow new birth and new things to come into my life and enjoy them.  Creativity is born not from trying to fit everything into bottles and jars on the shelf.  That’s classification, judgement and, ultimately, misery.  Life is all about the infinite blank canvas, the infinite number of colors we are given to create with…and the infinite chances we have to start over new and fresh in our lives. 

I got an email from an old friend who is willing to take me on as a therapy client.  I am definitely going to take him up on the offer because he already knows some of my back story and his office isn’t nearly as far out of my way as my meeting on Wednesday was going to be.  Plus he’s taking me on pro-bono, which is effing fantastic.  Here is to new beginnings and embracing change, constructive criticism and improving my way of life.

thanks a lot, eve. you bitch.

 

Ya know I guess I should be happy that I menstruate, considering the salacious activites I participate in; better cranky and crampy than knocked-up and fat.  But that doesn’t mean I need to enjoy it.

The last few days, I have been of the PMSy variety and it has been less than fun for everyone involved.  The SM’s gotten a few earfuls (sorry, bay-bay), coworkers have gotten the brunt of my venting about dumb, self-important customers, Hilary Clinton, and politicos in general (see blog later today about Super Tuesday), and rude people on the whole.  My allergies are in full swing from this 70-degree weather, I’m already coked out on Midol and every time I stand up from my desk, I want to pass out so badly that I have to hold on to the cubicle walls to make it to the printer.

And to make it worse…I can’t even get laid because my love muffin is out of commission?!  Thanks a lot, Eve.  Thanks for being one of those self-important hoes I hate in modern times.  The only difference is that you don’t have my email to ask me dumb questions and you aren’t driving in front of me going 50 in the fast lane.  You aren’t my boss or the IRS.  But you are everything else from which evil is derived in this world.

no fools, no fun.

Eight years ago to the day, I was notified that my grandmother, Bernice Helweg died after a short bout with cancer. 

There aren’t words to express what my grandma meant to me and any shitty blog I could write would do her no justice.  She taught me to believe in God.  She taught me to cook up some mean Southern Cuisine.  She taught me to make some serious sweet tea.  She passed on her love and talent for music and it lives on in me.  She passed on her self-deprecation and ease with laughing at herself.  Like she always said, “No fools, no fun.” 

I miss singing Ray Charles in the back seat of the car on the way to Easter Brunch.  I miss her laugh and her outrageous homemade outfits.  I miss her obsessing over celebrity gossip in her “trash magazines” as she called them.  I miss playing piano with her at her house and I miss her cole slaw. 

She never called me by my real name.  She always had a cute nickname for me and my cousin, her only grandbabies.  I was sometimes Niki….but most often, I was her Princess.  And I always will be.

 I miss you Grandma. 

tao te ching. yeah, what she said. verse one.

Dude.  Before I know it, I’ll be practicing the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique.  You’re jealous already. 

If it is all right with you,  I am going to make a brief but poignant 180 with my blog content for the next 5 minutes.  Not that there isn’t enough Britney news, because Lord knows, there is always something going on with that nutty bitch….but because, yes, even I don’t have to be superficial every moment of every day.  Even the Audacity of Trust can refrain from posting pure eye and brain candy for a rant or two.  I’ll get back to David Beckham’s abs and sex toys in a minute.

BEGIN - Poignancy here:

So last night, I just started reading “Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life” by Dr. Wayne Dyer; a book suggested by my mother to help simplify my life.  And yeah.  I think homeboy is right:  it’s pretty much going to change my life.

To sum it up, at least initially, this book is Dr. Dyer’s take on dozens of translations of Lao Tzu’s “Tao Te Ching”, a whole concept of the being/energy that creates all and is in all…yet can’t be defined or named either.  It’s the explanation of yin and yang and the constant force of paradoxes, opposite energies and the inherent spirituality in these felt but undefinable forces in the world. 

If you know me, you know that I think too much.  I think too much about how I think too much.  I suck in a few ways.  But the first chapter…the first “verse” of the Tao simply says to quit overthinking:

The Tao that can be told

is not the eternal Tao.

The name that can be named

is not the eternal name.

The Tao is both named and nameless.

As nameless it is the origin of all things;

as named it is the Mother of 10,000 things.

Ever desireless, one can see the mystery;

ever desiring, one sees only the manifestations.

And the mystery itself is the doorway

to all understanding.

Dyer explains that passage to mean that there are these forces out there, God, Tao, whatever you want to call it…but the first step in living a peaceful life is to just appreciate the fact that you don’t have to define everything; to just enjoy the mystery, enjoy the bliss of knowing there is something out there bigger than us that is the gravitational pull that holds everything together - and that’s one less thing you need to worry about.  The more you try to define the farther away you get from actually achieving that peace.  You wind up not seeing the forest for all the damn trees (or in my case, the trees, branches, leaves, the birds squawking, eat grain of dirt…)

At this time in my life, in my mental state last night when I cracked his puppy open in the bathtub, it couldn’t have started out with any topic more appropriate.  To hear that the time you spend desiring and trying so hard should be spent by just allowing thing to come to pass is exactly what I needed to hear.  Just sit back.  Enjoy.  If there is less energy pressuring down, there is more space for that force to lets those leaves of those trees just fall silently to the ground.

At this point, I am likening the Tao to a wind….less destructive if not channeled and forced into spaces, but allowed to freely flow throughout the landscape of your life, your actions and your relationships.  I just need to catch a ride on that wind and let it take me where I am supposed to go.

Dyer suggests you read a verse and chapter (there are 81 total), live it for a few days, implement it, and read the next one when you are ready to take on another priciple.  Truthfully, this first verse is hard enough to wrap my brain around.  But I recognize, at least for me at this time, it’s the most important. 

I might be here a while.

 POIGNANCY:  Closed for today.

Penis, penis, penis, penis, penis.

if i wasn’t going to hell before, i am now.

The Father, The Son, and the Holy Loofah.

I just cranked up the bus to Hell everybody.  Purchase your one-way ticket and hop on board.  I’m drivin’. 

I came across this site called celebriducks.com that makes rubber duckies of famous people, famous literary characters and yes sir…famous religious entities. 

To me, this is wrong in more than one way.  First, it’s a rubber ducky of Jesus.  It just seems sacrilegious to me that Jesus is plastic, with a squeaky hole in his bottom.  Second of all, and possibly the most disturbing point:  Rubber duckies are intended for use in the bathtub.  That means you’re naked.  With Jesus.  I’d like to think I’m close with the Man Upstairs and what not…but that seems a little TOO close. 

Can the Jesus ducky part the waters in your tub like he did in the Red Sea?  Will he change your bath water to wine?  Will he make you abide by the Tub’s Ten Commandments (thou shalt not splash, though shalt not use thine washcloth in vain)?  There are just too many questions left unanswered here.